It's Cursed
by GreyBookworm
Summary: How Team Seven is cursed and Naruto wants out of it. Hiruzen has to listen to Naruto point out how Team Seven is cursed. Kakashi Hatake goes to see a therapist. Story is better than the summary.


**Disclaimer. I do not own Naruto and I never will. It belongs to its rightful owner.**

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"JIJI!"

Hiruzen Sarutobi looked up from his mountains of paper work towards the child that had come bursting into his office.

"JIJI! It's horrible I'm gonna die!"

At this Hiruzen went from lax indulgent grandfather to serious kage mode in less than a nanosecond.

"What is it Naruto? Is it the villagers again? Or another Mizuki incident?"

"No worse!"

"What?"

"I'm on a team with Sasuke and we have Kakashi Hatake as a teacher!"

Hiruzen sighed. Really he knew Naruto and the boy Sasuke didn't get along very well, but even this was taking the dislike to a whole new level.

With a wry smile and a much more relaxed demeanor he asked "Oh really Naruto? I know you don't like Sasuke, but I'm sure Kakashi will keep all of you from dying. Despite his eccentricities he is a very capable shinobi. He's considered to be a candidate for Hokage and he's feared through out the shinobi world."

"That's not it Jiji!"

"Oh?"

"Yeah! It's the team I'm on! It's cursed!"

"Naruto I assure you Team Seven is not cursed. I was once on Team Seven along with Homura and Koharu. We're all okay. Look we're over the age of sixty-five."

"Yeah, maybe you weren't cursed that badly. Your teacher and students obviously couldn't avoid the curse though."

"What."

Naruto seemed to go into a philosophical mode and he started listing off Team Seven's faults "Your teacher Tobirama Senju sacrificed himself for your and your teammates sake."

Hiruzen felt the need to interrupt and defend his long dead teacher.

"Tobirama-sensei was a wonderful teacher, he built the academy and Konoha's infrastructure. He died so that the young generation holding the Will of Fire could live on."

"He also hated the Uchiha and his killing Izuna Uchiha Madara's brother is partially what led to Madara's insanity."

Hiruzen had to suppressed a wince. He knew his teacher didn't like the Uchiha and what Naruto said about Izuna's death was possibly true.

"He did alright with you Jiji. The other two, not so much. He passed down his militant personality and dislike for the Uchiha to them."

"Koharu and Homura are great advisers and are constantly working to make the village a better place." he said weakly, cause it was true that the two of them gave him headaches with their constant complaints.

"Sure whatever. Now where was I? Oh yeah _**you're**_ students, the Sannin, are some of the best example of how Team Seven is cursed."

Hiruzen saw where this discussion was going and didn't really know what to say to the statement Naruto just threw out into the open. Only that he really didn't know where he fucked up with his students. That and he needed a smoke.

"You had the Senju heiress, the genius prodigy who had recently lost his parents, and the perverted prankster who tried to get everyone's attention. Does this sound like a parallel of my team or what? Anyway. The Senju heiress grows up to be hailed as the greatest Medic in the world! She also grows up to be an alcoholic with gambling issues. Not only that, but she practically defected from Konoha, she can't stand the sight of blood, and she can't move out of the past and so she casts a Genjustu to preserve her youth!"

Naruto paused for some air and looked pointedly into his Jiji's eyes.

"You had Orochimaru. The prodigy of his generation and someone you lavished attention on. He grows up and tries to become Hokage. He almost made it until somebody found his fucked up experiments on children! Children! How did nobody notice this! So he runs away and becomes an S-rank missing ninja! Who's still experimenting on children! Not to mention he's batshit crazy! He's trying to find the way to immortality!"

Hiruzen was now pointedly looking away from Naruto.

"Your last student is the only one still officially loyal to Konoha! Jiraiya was the pervert of the team who always strode to get better and to be noticed. He grew up to become a Toad Sage. He still stayed a pervert though and he writes the Icha Icha Paradise Novel Series. Still compared to the other two he turned out pretty okay."

"The team Jiraiya taught was also turned out pretty okay compared to yours too. Teuchi Ichiraku went on to be the greatest ramen chef ever, Haruka Hyuuga became the Hyuuga Clan Head's wife and Hinata's mom, and Minato Namikaze, Konoha's Yellow Flash, became Hokage although he was barely in office for a year or less and then he died sealing the Kyuubi! Into me!"

Hiruzen was just glad that Naruto didn't know Minato was his father. Although he had to wonder where Naruto got all his information.

"Minato Namikaze Konoha's golden boy and the man who single handedly wiped out hundred of Iwa ninja. He was the teacher of Rin Nohara, Obito Uchiha, and Kakashi Hatake."

Hiruzen really _**really**_ needed a smoke right now.

"Rin Nohara was an aspiring Medic. She was really good at it too. She was kidnapped not once, but _**twice!**_ First time at the Kannabi Bridge by Iwa ninja and the second by Kiri Ninja. When she was kidnapped by Kiri ninja she was made into a Jinchuriki for the Sanbi. She then committed suicide on Kakashi Hatake's chidori to prevent herself from destroying Konoha."

"Obito Uchiha was a dead last like me! He was also one of the few non-asshole Uchiha to ever be produced by the clan. He also liked orange so I admit to being a little biased about him. Anyway he was a mediocre ninja by the time he became a chunin. If he had lived to be twenty and a jounin I'm sure he would have been an awesome ninja, some are late bloomers you know. He died on the Kannabi Bridge mission by being crushed with rocks. I would have loved to know him."

"Finally Kakashi Hatake the genius ninja who graduated from the academy after only a year and became jounin at the age of twelve. From what I've heard about his childhood he was an arrogant prick who had a stick a mile up his ass. He followed the shinobi rules about showing no emotion like he would die if he didn't. His dad was Konoha's White Fang who died committing suicide because he was shunned for choosing to save his teammates instead of completing the mission. When does a mission take precedence over a comrade of the Leaf?! Kakashi was bitch-slapped out of his "I Have No Emotions" personality after he lost his teammate Obito on the Kannabi Bridge mission. Then he lost his teammate Rin who like I said committed suicide on his chidori. Then as if the world hates him he loses his sensei who died sealing the Kyuubi."

Did Hiruzen mention he needed a smoke?

"Now he's the only surviving student of the Yellow Flash. Yet he's wallowing in the past. I can understand that you'd be devastated by the loss of your entire team, but go see a therapist! It's what the Yamanaka are for people! Does he go to therapy? No. He doesn't. Instead he grows up to be a laid-back person who's always an hour or two late to his meetings and reads porn in public. You do know the only reason he reads porn in public is the make people leave him alone and no question his non-relationship status right? He can't connect with people on a romantic level."

Actually no Hiruzen hadn't known that and was now making plans in his head for Kakashi to go see a therapist. Maybe Inoichi? Konoha didn't need word getting around that a candidate for Hokage had psychological issues.

"Now you want to make him a teacher of a team that practically parallels his own?! No, you want to make him a teacher in general?! He'd be terrible! He wouldn't know how to be a teacher! I'm not saying he's a bad ninja, he's a great ninja. However just because you're a great ninja doesn't mean you'll automatically be a great teacher. Plus having Sasuke on the team he's obviously going to spend more time and attention on the kid who's childhood mirrors his own. Having Sasuke and me on the same team? We're likely to try and end up killing each other... literally!"

"Okay Naruto. I see your... painfully obvious point. So what do you wish for me to do about it?"

"I want a different team number and a different teacher until Hatake-san has successfully passed all psychological evaluations."

"I'll see what I can do about it."

"Thanks Jiji! Have a nice day! Wow, I feel great getting that load off of my chest, Well, see ya!"

In a blur of yellow Naruto was out the down to do whatever it is a Naruto does after having barged into a Hokage office to rant out how Team Seven is cursed.

Hiruzen ranged up his secretary,

"Yes Hokage-sama?"

"Set up a therapy meeting with Inoichi Yamanaka and Kakashi Hatake. Also tell Ebisu that his is to be a temporary teacher for Team Fifteen."

"Team Fifteen Hokage-sama?"

"The new Team Seven."

"What happened to the old Team Seven?"

"It was cursed."

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 **I hoped you enjoyed reading this. The idea popped into my head after thinking about how Team Seven has gone through every horrible thing in the Narutoverse. Please review!**


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